My Funny Family 2014

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Daddy: Why can't vegetables be your reward for eating all your dinner?
Alaina: Well...10 + 10 equals 20.

A classic example of If You Don't Like The Line of Questioning, Just Change the Subject.

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Alaina: Mom, what's 'film?'
‪#‎dinosaurtechnology‬

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We had a discussion tonight about married people having babies.
Lee: Just because people are married doesn't mean they have babies.
Tori: Yeah, Uncle Josh and Aunt Mindy are married, and they don't have babies.
Alaina: What??? I did NOT know that Uncle Josh and Aunt Mindy were married!!

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Joya: Do you remember Aunt Jamie?
Me: Yes, I remember Aunt Jamie.
Joya: Me too.

That was it.

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Joya's Random Declaration at breakfast today:

"Mommy, I will never do naughty things ever again!" ‪#‎emptypromise‬

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Alaina: "Mom, what do earwigs eat?"
Lee: "Little girls."
‪#‎parentingwin‬
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Joya: I'm tight like a birdhouse!
Lee: What are you, a rapper?
Joya: I get my poop, I get my poop, I get my poop, I get my poop on!
‪#‎shegetsitfromherfather‬ ‪#‎guessyouhadtobethere‬
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Alaina at 6:40 this morning: "Ugh! I can't believe I slept the whole night through, instead of staying awake and watching out for ninjas!"
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Joya: It's almost Easter!
Me: No, Easter is over. Next up is Mother's Day.
Joya: Again?!?!
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Joya: But Uncle Josh does it!
Lee: Do I look like Uncle Josh?
Alaina: Yes! Because you're bald and have no hair! 
‪#‎notsurewhoshouldbeinsulted‬
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Joya: Oh no! I forgot to get my Mother's Day card...
Me: That's okay, sweetie.
Joya: ...for Dad!!
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Me: Joya! You're naked!
Joya: (smiling shyly) Thank you!
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Joya: After Mom's birthday it's MY BIRTHDAY!!
Me: Right, but it's three and a half months away. We have to go through July, August and September, and THEN it'll be October.
Joya: Right! After Mom's birthday is my birthday!
‪#‎gonnabealongthreemonths‬
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Me: PVC pipe is fairly inexpensive, right?
Lee: Why?
Me: Oh, I'm looking at a DIY project on Pinterest.
Lee: No, PVC is terribly expensive. They have to import it from PVCville.
‪#‎probablynottrue‬
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Joya: I sooooo a genius!
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Alaina: Hey Mom! Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Me: Why?
Alaina: Because he had hives!
Me: Ha ha ha.
Alaina: (big sigh) I know that was a fake laugh. 
‪#‎busted‬
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Me: Alaina, what did you think of dinner tonight?
Alaina: You know when we get to fly to Grandma Kimble's and spend a week? You should make this dinner then.
‪#‎shedidntlikeit‬
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Me: Ew. Alaina, your room kind of stinks. It smells like grilled cheese.
Alaina: Isn't it wonderful??
‪#‎perspective‬
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Joya: Mom, I'm gonna miss you at Cubbies!
Me: No you won't. You'll be too busy having fun.
Joya: No! I won't play games and I won't have any fun!
Me: Oh. Do you want to stay home then?
Joya: NO!! I want to go!
‪#‎3yearoldsarewishywashy‬ ‪#‎moodylittlegirl‬ ‪#‎goodluckCubbiesleaders‬
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Me: I don't know if you know this or not, but girls like having pretty things around. You should know this since you live with four women.
Lee: Well, you've got me hanging around all week, so you're welcome.
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Me: I'm rooting for the comic.
Alaina: What's a comic?
Lee: A guy who thinks he's funny.
Alaina: Oh! DAD's a comic!
‪#‎outofthemouthsofbabes‬
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Heard at the dinner table tonight:
Lee - Well, in this illustration, the ox is your mom...
‪#‎biblelessons‬
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Me: I have a big project I have to do for Grandad.
Alaina: Why do you have to do a project for Grandad?
Me: Because I work for Grandad.
Joya: No! Grandad works for GRAMMY!!
‪#‎sotrue‬
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Lee: I knew a man once named Neil PR Magnuson. He's one of the strongest guys I ever knew.
Alaina: DAD!! You know a man stronger than that!
Lee: I do? Who?
Alaina: God!
‪#‎Jesusjukedbyasixyearold‬
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Time to play Guess Alaina's Personality Type!
Alaina: Can I stay out here with you?
Me: No. You need to hang out in there because you haven't had much alone time lately.
Alaina: I know! Isn't it great?
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Joya: Mom, are we running low on bread?
Me: No, we have plenty of bread.
Joya: Then why I not eating toast for breakfast?
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Today Alaina's school was having a little program for Veterans. Alaina had a line to say and everything.
Me: Have fun saying your line in the program!
Alaina: I will! I'm so excited to see a Veteran!
‪#‎shethinksveteransareunicornsorsomething‬
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Alaina: Why did Naomi and Oliver get to sleep over at Grammy's?
Me: Because Aunt Jamie and Uncle Nick had something to do, so Grammy and Grandad needed to watch them.
Joya: I wish you and Dad had something to do!
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Lee: Here Joya, drink this.
Joya: But I think it's soggy!
Lee: There's no such thing as soggy water.
‪#‎4yearoldlogic‬ 
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Joya: Mom, I'm thirsty!
Me: Hi Thirsty, I'm Friday. Come over Saturday and we'll have a sundae.
Joya: Is that TRUE???
‪#‎jokefail‬
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Joya: Dad, why you still in your jammies?
Dad: Because that's how I roll. Are you new here?